Areas of Support
Understanding Patterns and Codependency
When you keep ending up in the same place
Have you ever looked at your relationships and noticed a familiar shape repeating? Different people, different years, but somehow the same dynamics: you give more than you receive, you feel responsible for other people's emotions, saying no feels impossible, or you lose yourself trying to keep the peace.
The term codependency describes patterns where your sense of self becomes organised around managing others: their moods, their approval, their needs, often at the expense of your own. Related patterns include staying in one-sided relationships, fearing abandonment to the point of self-abandonment, or swinging between intense closeness and protective distance.
These patterns usually made sense once. Many were learned in childhood or in formative relationships, where attuning to others was how you stayed safe or loved. Recognizing that is not about blame; it is about understanding, so you can choose differently now.
How psychotherapy can help
Therapy helps you see your patterns clearly, often for the first time, and understand where they came from. With me, you can explore the early experiences that shaped how you relate, notice the moments when old patterns activate, and practise new responses: setting boundaries, tolerating others' disappointment, and staying connected to yourself while staying connected to people you care about.
I draw on attachment-based therapy, which directly addresses how early relationships shape present ones; internal family systems, which helps you understand the protective parts of you that learned these strategies; and compassion focused approaches, which soften the shame that often accompanies these realizations.
This work is deep and can be profoundly freeing. It is also gradual: patterns learned over a lifetime shift through patient, consistent practice, and I will walk that path at your pace.
What to expect when you reach out
Your first step is a free 15-minute consultation through the online scheduler. Individual sessions are 50 minutes ($170), in person in North Bay or online anywhere in Ontario. If your patterns show up most in a partnership, couples sessions ($190) are also available.
Frequently asked questions
Is codependency a diagnosis?
No. Codependency is a descriptive term for a set of relationship patterns, not a formal diagnosis. In therapy, the focus is on understanding your experiences, not labelling you.
Does wanting to help others mean I am codependent?
Not at all. Caring for others is healthy. Codependency describes a pattern where caring for others consistently comes at the cost of your own wellbeing, boundaries, and sense of self.
Can these patterns really change?
Patterns learned over years take time and patience to shift, and many people find therapy a meaningful place to do that work. Change tends to be gradual: small, steadier choices that accumulate.
Will working on this damage my relationships?
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, and relationships sometimes shift as you change. Therapy helps you navigate this with honesty and care, for yourself and for the people you love.
What is the difference between this and couples therapy?
This work focuses on your own patterns, which you carry into every relationship. Couples therapy focuses on the dynamic between partners. They complement each other, and some clients do both.
Begin your next chapter
You do not have to navigate this chapter alone. If you are curious about therapy, or ready to begin, I invite you to book a free 15-minute consultation and see whether working together feels right.
Prefer to talk first? Call (249) 504-2192 or email info@nextchapterpsychotherapy.com.